I decided to call things off with my ex. I broke up with him because things just weren't working out between us. If I knew things were going downhill fast, why do I feel so sad now that the deed is done and we've gone our separate ways?
There are all kinds of words for this. It's something akin to buyer's remorse. You hear about it all the time. People look forward to a major purchase. They scrimp and save. Then when they make the purchase they aren't as happy and satisfied as they thought they would be.
It could be that there was something wrong, missing, or just "off" about your life. You did a little soul searching and decided that it was your relationship with your ex that was the primary culprit. You knew, from that moment, that the relationship had to end.
So What's the Problem?
The kicker is that once you ended the relationship, the emptiness or "off-ness" about your life didn't suddenly improve. In fact, you feel as though you've only added to the problem and now things are worse than ever.
Not only are things still off-kilter in your life but you've also eliminated a HUGE portion of your normal support system in your boyfriend. The odds are good that he was much more than just a boyfriend. He was your best friend, biggest fan, and most important sounding board when things were wrong in your life.
How Did You End Up Here?
The big problem in this particular situation isn't that you've lost your sounding board now. What it really is, is that you stopped talking to him and bouncing ideas and concerns off of him at some point during your relationship. That's how you ended up feeling that he was part of the problem when he could, potentially, have been part of the solution.
Sometimes that is just too hard to see when you're right in the thick of things though. Now that he's gone and you're feeling bluer than a smurf, it's time to decide what you're going to do about the situation.
You know that you're sad because he wasn't the problem. The problem however, still remains. You have to figure out what the problem really is and solve that before you can do anything else. Otherwise, you're just not going to be happy – no matter what. So your first course of action is to identify the real problem and fix it, once and for all.